Bub’s Diary – First Days

Dear Diary,

Today was a tough day. I could not sleep very well last night, and my momma and dada could not sleep well either. And in the morning, after my milky, I dirtied the sheets so momma and dada were late to office as well.

I feel bad but what can I do? To tell them when I want to poopie, or am hungry and want, but I can’t. I do try though – in the only way I know – by crying. And momma and dada are awesome because they try and help me in every way. But sometimes they can’t understand what I want, and I don’t blame them, and I try a different cry, a little more louder hoping it’ll make it easier for them. I don’t want to trouble them, you know!

I was out the other day with my momma and dada, and someone was saying: “Oh! Life must be so easy for a baby! Nothing to worry about, just lay around and everything gets taken care of!”

But I disagree. Life really is not that easy. Can you imagine? Being hungry but not being able to eat on my own; having a wet nappy, but not being able to clean up on my own. Heck! Sometimes my nose is itchy, and I can’t even scratch it. And there are times when my nosey is stuffy, and I can’t breathe properly, and I can’t even blow it out. I need help with every little thing. Even to move from point A to B, to sleep , to eat, everything needs assistance.

I do miss my dark and comfy corner inside momma sometimes! All I knew before was a comfortable darkness, and inner peace (pun intended). And I didn’t need to do anything at all – no sucking for milky, no zzz, just be free all day. Then I was forced out into a whole new world and so many different experiences.

First Days

And those first days and months were so terrifying; so different from what I was used to. There is so much going all the time; so many sounds, so many colors, so many lights, so many lights; it is quite unbelievable. What in the world was going on? It was all just too much to take in at once. It was all so overwhelming.
I only knew my momma and my dada, and I was so glad and relieved they were with me all the time in those days. I don’t know how I would have survived otherwise. Needing milky all the time, even so many times at night when it was my parents’ sleep time.

I didn’t know there was such a thing – night and day? Sometimes, I am still struggling with it, and some nights even now I just can’t sleep, and I get scared to be alone. And that’s when I know I am blessed to have you momma! My milky and you – not necessarily in that order! Holding you close is just bliss! And when dada comes and holds me, I do the happy dance inside. You both make me feel safe, and warm, and so snug.

Life was so different once I got out. Every aspect of my life changed. The way I ate, the way I slept, I way I poopied! The heat, the cold, the lights, the people! It was all so new to me!

And ugggh! Wearing clothes! I just don’t understand why I can’t be naked all day. But when I am naked, I am cold! And then were bath times, which I now like, but in the beginning, I just could not fathom why there had to pour this water over me! I love snuggling with momma for milky, but sometimes, I had to drink from this thing called a bottle, it was weird at first, then I got used to it!

As if all of that was not enough, I even had to have big needles poking me. Vaccinations, they called it. To make me feel better! Pah! It didn’t make me feel better; it actually hurt. And I was so upset. But then I looked over and wondered did they poke you to momma-dada? I saw you crying too, and then I figured it was okay, since we were all getting it.

I LOVE..

The best part about being out in the world is that I get to see momma’s and dada’s faces and nothing can beat all the kissies and cuddles now. There is something so special and amazing when momma holds me close, or when dada carries me around! I don’t understand it, buy I can feel that it is indeed a miracle.

At least now I am beginning to get the grasp of things in this big wide world. I am getting the hang of it, I think. and momma and dada make it easier! When I look up at dada, I know he’ll take care of me! And that he’ll love me, even if I make him upset or angry. That he’ll show me the world, and teach me things! And I am so excited to have momma in my life because I know she’ll be there when I am scared or alone, confused or dazed, to help me, and to pick me up.

There are so many times when I want to tell momma and dad how much I love them, but I am not sure how to. I try to goo and gaa, and I think they do understand me sometimes. Not always though.

But there were so many days in the past, and some days now, where it looks like momma and dada are upset or tired because of me. I wish it wasn’t like that. If only I didn’t have to cry or bother them at all. I wish I could get milky myself, and go to sleep myself, so momma and dada are not disturbed. But it is not something in my control. There are some days where I behave like a silly little baby, but momma-dada, that is who I am. I am a little baby and I need you.

I know it might be inconvenient, but please hold me, and give me cuddles and kissies! Please talk to me and play with me, and please help me sleep at night, and dress me and change me, and be there for me. Because momma and dada, you are all I have!

Signing off,
Bubs.