Is there really a right time for pregnancy? To start a family? The right age? The right job? It is a question that lots of people had wondered about.
Personally, I feel that indeed there is. Mind you! I am not saying that it can always be planned and will go according to our plan. The Creator sometimes has different plans and routes for our lives.
And if you are blessed before you thought the time is right, cherish it, enjoy it and know that it is indeed a gift. But going back to what I was saying: the right time. I’ll explain what I mean.
The most important aspect, DUH, is to be with the right man. Know that the person you are with is the perfect guy to raise your children with. I mean come on, this obviously goes without saying.
But how long after a wedding is it the correct time to start a family? I would say don’t jump into it. Honeymoon babies are great, but in my opinion, a couple needs time. Even if you have been dating for ages, or have known each other for ages, a marriage always is a rollercoaster, and a couple needs time to settle down and understand and love each other unconditionally. PS – Seeing your wife give birth is a tough sometimes gross process (but thoroughly rewarding experience), and the marriage should have lasted long enough for both of them to develop that comfort zone. Being at a level where there is mutual love and respect also empowers each part of the couple, and it becomes a true partnership, and that plays a key role in making parenthood a positive experience.
Age & Maturity.
This is definitely a strong factor to consider. Being pregnant for nine months, and taking care of an infant and toddler after that is a tiring affair – it has its perks and joys – but it is exhausting as well. And so depending on your lifestyle, choose an age where you can handle getting tired and can recuperate quickly. For some, this may be 25, for others, it could be 35, it all depends on each individual woman and her body and physical and emotional fitness.
At the same time, I sometimes think too early is not great either. One needs a certain level of maturity to handle the fears and expectations that come with being pregnant and being a mom.
While both husband and wife’s lives change a lot after birth, the woman does end up carrying a little more of the actual workload. If not anything else, she needs to stay at home for a while taking care of the baby; her life is not what it used to be before, and hence, I truly believe it is important for the mother to feel content in her skin – where her life has reached. It can be personal or professional or even travel goals. I think it is vital that a mother feels that she has reached a level in her life where she feels accomplished, and proud of who she is.
This by no means is me preaching that a woman has to be professionally accomplished before having a baby, sometimes, even stay-at-home home managers could feel inadequate at times, and bringing a baby into a situation like that is not what I would call ideal.
After the delivery, the baby becomes her life and number one priority for almost all women (except the real evil ones with other issues) and of that I have no doubt, but there sometimes is a little voice in her head that says I wish I had achieved more at work or I wish we had time to move out of my in-laws house or I wish I had done something else. This is no way will reflect on the baby, simply because for moms, their babies come before even themselves.
I also think it is of utmost significance that the couple is financially stable. That there is a constant inflow of cash – of either one or two salaries or other incomes. Let’s face it. As crude as it sounds, babies are expensive. From medical check ups, to baby clothes, to vaccinations and toys, the list of expenses is endless. In fact, it is only beginning.
And I think it is truly heartbreaking for any parent to have to ask a third party for any kind of monetary or financial support for their baby.
In my view, an acceptable time financially is when you know that you can at the very least give them a life that is at par with your own childhood; the ideal time would mean you can give them much more than what you grew up with.
You should also be in a financial position where the husband and wife can actually physically live together. Pregnancy is not a journey that can be shared over skype or whatsapp. It is a magical time that need to be travelled together.
When these aspects come together, I believe a couple (who wants a family) will feel ready to take the next step. Being pregnant and having a baby is absolutely spectacular life altering experience, and it is so much better if it isn’t sprinkled with thoughts of “I wish…” or “if only…”